Just my opinion – Relationships and finding the right person
Have you found yourself being the person that everyone comes to for information to advice when things are going wrong in their lives? They come to you seeking a way to help their lives get better as if you had all the answers. There you are trying to get thought life like everyone else with your own set of problems going day to day the best you can when along comes a friend and unloads a mountain of their problems on you. So trying to help you listen to them and think to yourself how to help them the best way you can.
Often I have found my self in this same situation more times then I would like to share. But one thing I learned is that sometimes that person you thought you could never live without and loved with all your heart just was not meant to be your. There is no right or wrong, good or bad, there just is! Is, is the way it is. You can do anything about it but deal with it the best you can and try to move on with your life. Sometimes the weight of the lost is too heavy of a load to carry and thinking about how you will go on without them your life drives you to think of some real crazy stuff. For some, sad to say it is the end of line and they end their lives for a variety of reasons. I feel for these people, while I don’t fully understand why, how could anyone fully understand?
For the rest of us that go on with our lives and the search continues for that perfect match. So what is the perfect match? Well again, each of us has our own idea on this. Finding them, that is the trick. Where to look, how to approach them, what to say, how to act, and how to win their heart so they will be yours are just some of the questions you ask yourself. Some people have a certain description already set in their mind, well ok then, so what do you do when you find this person that fits your description and for some unknown reason doesn’t think you are the right one for them? Do you do all you can to try to win their heart? Well that may work but I think most of the time this will fail. They could be in a relation already, may think you are too tall, different religions, or other reasons or a number of other factors that stops them from becoming seriously involved with you even if they do love you but may not “in love with you” and there is a difference, trust me I know!
So let us say you are in a relation with what you think is perfect mate for you, some call it their soul mate. You get a long great 95% of the time and the 5% is no big deal in the start, you think to your self, “in time they will change”. So time goes by and still no change, you don’t say anything about it even though it bother you but you don’t want to upset them over such a small issue but deep inside it eats at you so you bring it up one find day and what happens? They say you are just trying to change them and what is wrong with the way they are? You tell them nothing is wrong with them it was just something you noted about them. Now some will respond with “well that is just the way I am so take it or leave it”. Or they say “I don’t bring up things about you I don’t like”, meaning there are things but I don’t really care about them or what you may think is “if they haven’t said anything about it maybe they don’t really care about our relationship as much as I do?”
Finding the person:
When people ask me where to find the right person the first thing I tell people is to stop looking! Get your head out of the clouds, come back down to earth and see what is right in front of you, too many times that special person has always been beside you but you where looking else where for the right person due to this pre-conceived idea you had. We all want the same thing in a relation, some one that treats us good, is honest, and kind. I call these the 3 basic in any relation.
Each part covers a wide area;
Treats us good
a. Understands that we have feeling and do all they can not to hurt us.
b. Sends gifts for no reason
c. Listens to us when we need to talk
d. Is always there when we need some
e. Stands up for us and supports our ideas
f. Knows when to say the right thing to us and when to just be quiet
a. (Communication) Talks about issue in the relation and is willing to listen also
b. One person relationship
c. Can be trusted
d. Does not cheat or steal
e. Speaks from the heart
a. Treats others with respect
b. Isn’t rude
c. Helps others
a. We all make mistakes so when one is made by your partner try to understand why and that it may not as bad as you think. Sometimes things happen for different reasons but that doesn’t mean they love you any less and what others in their life.
Looking at the items listed about (as a guide only) I’m sure anyone can find a mate if you toss out all the other items people attach to them.
Now lets look at how thing work. First off guys you have to have to prove to the women that you are worthy of her love and that you can provide for her before she chooses you to be her mate. That is the bottom line, she will pick you. So if you fall short of the mark you are out. This applies throughout the entire time you are together.
There are things we as guys can do to make our chances better to be chosen like changing the way we do things like dressing, the people we hang out with that we feel she would not like, doing things she enjoys on a Friday night instead of getting drunk in the bar with our buddies and trying to get a better job or move up to a higher position in our present job to earn more. Many of these we do unknowingly because we care for her and want to provide a good life for her. In any relation there has to be some give and take for it to work here is where the communication part come in. Most guys are not good in communicating their feeling to well, so work on it. Don’t be afraid to say what is on your mind to her she would like to know just what you think and feel. Those that are good at it do great with the ladies in their relations because they can share with them and women love to share feelings.
You are in the relation:
Talk, talk and talk some more. Talk about everything and anything with each other. Find out about one another and what makes you tick. How you feel about different things. This will bring you closer and in time you will find that commend ground you both can stand on and share together. Learning about your partner is very important because by knowing them and their likes and dislikes you will know how to treat them in different situations. You’ll be about to pick the right gift or even get the flowers they really love which may not be roses for Valentines Day!
Talk about your past and growing up because it is this time in of your life that made you who you are today. How did you end up here to day? What happen in your past relations and why did they fail? Maybe the two of you can avoid the same silly mistake or misunderstanding which has ended many a relationship.
Spend quality time “together”, not with friend but together. I’m not talking about sex here but how about after the sex, guys it’s a great time to talk believe it or not! That pillow talk is the time when you can let your heart go free and tell her anything and not feel out of place.
When things go wrong and they will, talk about it. Never, never talk when angry, take some time to cool off so you can listen, when we are angry we don’t hear, we believe and we don’t trust. Easies said then done I know depending on why you are angry.
We have all heard, seen or been in them. What started out great you have come to realize is all wrong. People lie, cheat and deceive and we get hurt. It is the sad story of life, not everything turns out as if we had hoped. All we can do it try to learn from it and move on. Can we turn our back on future relations, no, yet many do just that it, by doing so they take the chance of missing the one that is right from them. While coming out of a bad relation we feel as if we can not trust again something inside us tells us to try again and we do. We may be more cautious the next time around until the new person has gained our trust and we start to open up more.
Some times we know we are in a bad relationship and just don’t care because of what the relation is based on. So when this relation ends it is no big deal because we knew it wasn’t going to last in the first place.
For many the end is never known of until it happens, this is when a person is stretched to their breaking point trying to understand the time of question of, “WHY?” There is no answer for this question that could ever make say, “oh ok, I got it now!” We think and think, we try to make up with the person and do anything and everything to regain them into your lives again to no avail. So we lower our heads and move on down the road of life. Not know where we are heading, nor really caring. Life is just a big ocean of shit and we have to take a swim in it some time.
I can out of a bad relationship many years ago and it had taken me by surprise and when I was told it was over I stayed drunk for 3 whole days. I never slept or ate, all I did was drink. In those 3 days I drink over 4,000 U.S. dollars worth of drinks in shots and beers. On the morning of the 4th day in a drunken stupor I asked my self, “what in the hell am I doing?”
I realized that as bad as thing were the only way I could go now was up and that I would find another that was better for me and that it was my X’s lost and not mine.
It took time and I dated several others but I found my love. She is the not the perfect match for me or I for her, but we are happy. I understand her as she does to a point understand me too so we can share our lives together.
So when life has you down and you think you have reached the end of the line remember that with tomorrow is a new day with all new experiences and people and one of them will be your mate for life.
But that is just my opinion.